Editor’s Note: Blood is rushing to the tip of C-Lion’s furry penis as his beloved
Toronto Buffalo Bills are taking on the Cleveland Browns at the Factory of Sadness tonight. Refresh early and often here to simulate watching the game with Jerk Adam Schefter. For reverse betting purposes, I’m taking Buffalo (+4) and the Under (41) in the first Thursday night game I don’t care to watch this season.
7:20 PM: Welcome to the Jerkfest’s first ever live blog of a game. Thanks to Dazzle for setting up the live post and the picture, which is absolutely absurd. Let me start by saying that history says that this game is NOT going to be a good game. The last time I went to a Bills v. Cleveland game, the final score was 6-3, and I punched a random Browns fan in the face on the way back to my car. (Thankfully I did not drive that day). Looking at this game we have EJ Manuel v. Brian Hoyer at the QB position and two underrated defenses. For fantasy purposes the Lion has Freddie Jackson and Stevie Johnson going in this game. I will let you all watch the AWFUL NFL Network pregame show and be with you for kickoff.
8:00 PM: The fact they have Hot in Cleveland ladies as the intro to this game says so much. I keep forgetting how many players the Bills have injured on Defense. Amazing they have played as well as they have. Kiki Alonzo might be the defensive rookie of the year right now.
8:04 PM: I almost feel bad for Marshall Faulk. He actually knows what he is talking about and makes sense when he talks.
8:06 PM: Where is my girl Alex Flanagan?
8:08 PM: By the way, I told you I liked Texas tonight in the Lion’s Den. They are up 10-0.
8:10 PM: Seriously, these old chicks again? I like everything Marshall Faulk says. He is the new JPoww. Will this game ever start?
8:15 PM: Little story. I hated Willis McGahee as a Bill. It made no sense to draft him when they had Travis Henry at the peak of his powers. During the course of his career in Buffalo, he never won me over. I have a feeling he will stick it to the Bills tonight, as they are soft against the run. I am enjoying a Southern Tier Imperial Pumpkin Ale for the season. They make it in Western NY.
8:20 PM: Its Jim Brown night? This almost locks in that Willis will have a revenge game against the Bills. I can here the guys in the Box going to commercial saying “Willis channeling the great Jim Brown tonight.”
8:23 PM: I don’t like the all Brown, love the Blue Pants though.
8:27 PM: Who is the chick trying to be Faith/Carrie Underwood? This song is so bad. I think Mike Mayock is a solid color guy. Nessler is a decent play by play guy as well. I will be cursing at them not long from now I am sure.
8:30 PM: There is my girl Alex. Whew. Chudzinksi sounds like he should be from Buffalo. Here we go…
8:30 PM: Great coverage by Marcus Easly the WR from UConn.
8:38 PM: Bills dodged a bullet there with the dropped pass. Jim Leonard reminds me of Tom Zibikowski with the way he returns the punt. They went right overtop and got the PI call on Stevie and punched it in. Good start Buffalo. Of course my wife walked in to ask me what I thought of her outfit she is wearing somewhere during this.
8:40 PM: Cleveland could pick apart Buffalo if they are smart. I don’t know why the Bills didn’t challenge that fumble on the KO. Interesting player I would like to talk about is Marcel Dareus for the Bills. This guy was a number 3 overall pick in a draft. If you look at the top 10 in that draft, Patrick Peterson, Von Miller, Julio Jones, AJ Green, he is the only non pro bowler in that group. They really need him to step up more. Brian Hoyer screwed up his slide, of course he did.
8:45 PM: Weeden is so much worse than Hoyer. I am suddenly confident the Bills will win this game. I am very impressed with Kiko Alonzo. The rest of the Bills D is not impressing me. How do you not sack Weeden on that 3rd and long and run right by him? Its not like . Manny Lawson is a clown.
8:50 PM: EJ Manuel impressed me on that first pass of this drive by staying in the pocket and checking down instead of just running. He then showed his terribleness by trying to force a throw into coverage over the middle and is lucky it wasn’t picked. Then he got extremely lucky with the free play to Chandler over the middle. Overall I am not sure EJ is very good right now.
8:53 PM: 10-0. I will totally take that. The Offensive Line is not picking up blitzes when Cleveland sends them. That is partially on them but also on EJ. The weakness of the Bills OL is the tackles, so that is who they are stunting on. Smart move.
9:00 PM: The Bills secondary is banged up and Cleveland should take advantage of this and run quick patterns like slants and skinny posts on them. Alonzo again impresses me. Mario is Mario. I am wondering if its just that Cleveland is bad with Weeden back there. It most definitely is.
9:05 PM: I like that Marrone tries to run the ball and then uses play action. This puts less pressure on a rookie QB to make reads, he only has to look at half the field and make less checks. EJ underthrows another ball, showing that even if you make the right read you need to get it there. If I were Buffalo I would look for a LT next year in the draft. I like Lewan out of Michigan or Zach Martin out of ND.
9:07 PM: I love the way Freddie runs. He is very good at getting up to full speed right away. His top end speed isn’t very high but he gets there in like two steps. Spiller is obviously hurt, and Choice is more of a between the tackle runner. I enjoy watching different running styles. Stevie Johnson being hurt is not good for the Bills offense. Mingo is really fast. That dude for Cleveland is fast. Of course he is from Miami. Punter saves the day for the Bills.
9:10 PM: It seems like the Bills are jumping the snap count of Cleveland. Aaron Williams being an idiot. I hate the Targeting rule, but the call was correct in terms of the rule.
9:15 PM: Bills DC Mike Pettine is a former High School coach of North Penn High School in Bucks County PA. Little known fact for you at home. I just realized I started the Bills defense this week, which is great considering they have 3 sacks already. There goes the shut out though.
9:20 PM: CJ Spiller sighting! He is clearly explosive but he needs to hit holes and stop dancing. Make up his mind and just go. EJ made his best read and throw on that 3rd down they converted. It looks like Stevie Johnson has not returned to the game. EJ made a terrible read and throw on the 3rd down they did not. I am now back to thinking the Bills will lose this game.
9:25 PM: Kyle Williams the DT for the Bills has a very good motor, you can tell he never stops fighting towards the ball. Jordan Cameron being covered by a terrible LB who is not Alonzo is open all freaking day. Bills gambled and sent the blitz and Weeden actually made the right read and the OL picked it up. Mario Williams has improved his run play this year. This Bills nickleback I have never heard of almost made an amazing play. Again this slant stuff is open for Cleveland all day…
9:30 PM: There were zero LBs in on the McGahee run just now. I don’t know where they were running to, but nowhere near the ball. The Browns should punch this in unless Weeden screws this up. Its not unlikely that he will. If I was Chud, I would just call three more runs that involve misdirection like that last run. The LBs just run themselves right out of the play.
P.S. I like that song in the NBA2K14 Commercial.
9:32 PM: So far Chud is listening and again Willis gets tackled by a safety because no LBs in sight. Kyle Williams just made me regret complimenting him. I love that Russ Grimm quote about playing the OL. Its so true. You are imposing your will on a person who does not want it to be imposed. Its really really hard. If I was Cleveland I would take my time to score here.
9:35 PM: What a clusterfuck of a play that was. Searcy is a dude I never even heard of anyway. Seems like Cleveland may be catching on to the Bills jumping the snap count.
9:40 PM: Tie game. No shock. Alonzo has impressed me very much for the Bills D. What the heck was Marrone challenging? I think he was thinking that Cameron went OB before he came back in and was pushed by Searcy. You can’t challenge that though dude, come on.
9:45 PM: A good snack to eat and not have to worry about crumbs or messy hands is Swedish Fish. Bills go 3 and out so fast that I don’t have a chance to say anything other than when your front 5 can’t block 4 dudes you are in trouble. During the last drive, Skillz texts me and I quote “What is Buffalo’s Punter Thinking?’ Dude. I dunno. He just did it again. 17-10.
9:50 PM: Lets see how EJ plays from behind. Probably not well. Stevie Johnson has not returned to the game at least so that is good news for the Bills. 2:00 min warning coming up. Football goes by fast when you type during the game. Also when both teams run the shit out of the ball.
9:53 PM: SCREEN. I love a good timed screen, but then he gets a trash talking penalty. Ugh. At least he still gets the points for the catch for me. I like his effort though. I guess EJ is not going to try to score before half.
9:55 PM: EJ looked pretty shitty there. I swear if Powell doesn’t kick this out of bounds I am going to drive up to Buffalo and weight for him to get off the plane. I will return after half…
10:15 PM: Ok that was interesting…First play nice back shoulder throw to Woods and then CJ showing why people drafted him in the first round of their fantasy drafts. He made one cutback and ran. Tie game.
10:23 PM: Mario Williams keeps getting sacks on that stunt. The Bills having a nice drive.
10:25 PM: I was screaming in approval for the downfield block by Freddie Jackson and then down goes EJ Manuel. Of course both teams starting QBs get hurt. God hates both these cities.
10:30 PM: Scott Chandler is like 6’7 and is a good end zone threat but he can’t block or run so yeah. He pays off here though and they get a TD. Freddie has been my best fantasy pick of my draft.
10:37 PM: Dazzle’s Under bet is dead. The Bills dbacks got absolutely gashed there. Cleveland finally realized that they can’t cover their receivers.
10:42 PM: Jeff Tuel v. Brandon Weeden, its the NFL on Thursday Night! My favorite quote on Tuel was from his college coach Mike Leach, “I’m interested to see how he does, considering he hasn’t really won here, or at high school either.” And no its raining too. There may not be any scores from this point on.
10:46 PM: Jerry Hughes was a beat at TCU and a bust for the Colts. He hasn’t been very good for Buffalo either but he made a nice play there. No more Stevie or EJ. I hope they use Freddie. (Like it matters I am playing Murda)
10:48 PM: A flea flicker into double coverage? This is FUNNY. Sack next play. I held my breath during that punt. The Bills left tackle is almost useless.
10:52 PM: McGahee doesn’t even look good while gashing the Bills defense. He must be old man strong. Or the Bills second level are boyishly weak. My money is on the later.
10:55 PM: FOUR!!!! Almost bed time guys. (Like anybody is still watching this game but me). Cleveland just keeps running the same run play to opposite sides now. The backside guard pulls around and leads through the hole like a fullback would.
10:57 PM: Bills just delaying inevitable here, but I do appreciate the effort. Leodis McKelvin you too. Holding them to a FG is impressive. I would be more excited if I had any faith the Bills would answer offensively.
11:05 PM: Watching Marcus Easly return kicks makes me appreciate how good the Browns guy is at doing them. I have no confidence that the Bills will even get a 1st down at this point. Wait a minute…yup, thought so. 4th down.
11:09 PM: Interesting note. The Browns seem to be getting better at running the ball as the game goes on, the Bills do not. This could be because Jeff Tuel is the QB and the D knows this. Good OLs also get better as the game goes on, and Joe Thomas and Alex Mack make up a good one.
11:10 PM: This is the time of night the Lion gets sleepy. Big 3rd down play. Bills get absolutely no pass rush with the 4 guys then send, but Weeden is inaccurate thankfully.
11:15 PM: This is it for the Bills. If they don’t score on this drive, the Lion is going to mark down that this game is over and is going to watch Cleveland run this out in bed. The fact that Chris Hogan always open 7-11 from Miami Hardknocks plays for Buffalo now is so crazy and wrong on so many levels. Ok the Lion is done. Enjoy watching Cleveland run out the clock. Its past the Lion’s bed time. He hopes you enjoyed this first ever Live Blog for a game.